Friday, October 05, 2007

Lock the door behind me and put the chain on!

Yesterday was mediation. I arrived at the office at 10:59am and waited for my lawyer to arrive.
I had high hopes that this would not take long. After all i was greeted by my ex-husband with a reassuring smile and a strong, lets get this over with, hand shake from his lawyer. 2 hours later i came to the realization this was going to take a while.

Its been 7 years since my separation from Summer's father. Four years since our final divorce, a long time since that traumatizing weekend in Feb, where i laid in my North Carolina hotel room and cried 3 days straight, waiting to hear a word from Summer. It is true i gave up here and there letting his words crush me to the point where i believed i was worthless. I drank to the point of numbness and damaged myself with stupid decisions. But here I am today, feeling proud. Proud to have friends & family that held me up, gave me strength and reminded me that I am not worthless. I am not horrible and i do deserve happiness.

Here I am holding a document that states I can see my daughter.. He can no longer hold anything over my head. I feel Empowered i feel justified.. i feel like I made it through, like there is hope..i feel accomplished. I feel like the nightmare is over. Fear does lie deep in my heart, doubt lingers in my head... ticking away .. waiting for the back lash of such a real end to a very long bumpy road. But I will not falter. I will not look back to see how close the past may be. Instead I'll hold my head high, breath in the newly clear air around me and walk a little taller knowing that WE DID IT. We fought, we kicked and screamed we cried But it was all worth while. I'll let myself simmer in the feel of completion... float in the mist of karma and give thanks for the angels that surround me everyday...

Maybe I'm acting prematurely and things will soon fall back into the same old routine or
maybe this truly is the end and i can lock the door behind me leave the past behind..

Either way, today i feel content.. I will enjoy today.

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Random Photos 2007

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Eddie and me in New York 2007

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Summer's 11th Birthday

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1st day of 6th grade

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SUmmer and her Twin Sisters 2007

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Our Hotel Girls weekend 2007 August FT lauderdale

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Dinner @ The Knife2007

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SUmmer and me being silly 2007
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Summer and Samantha

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Firemans benefit dinner Sept 2007

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Eddie and I @ Central Park New York 2007

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After I fell while handing out beer

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Javie's Graduation 2007 New YOrk

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Alex Me and Tara during Tara's visit to Miami 2007

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@ Tristens B-day party 2007

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Linkin Park Concert Me and Eddie 2007

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Nikayla 2007

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Me and My dad Sept 2007

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@ The Keys Ju;y 4th weekend 2007

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Summer' s first day of 6th grade 2007

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Cheerleading Banquit 2007





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Eddie's B-day party at the POST 2007

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Ft Lauderdale girls weekend 2007

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Cayottee Ugly 2007

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Summer and Tristen @ Maria and My b-day party 2007

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P3 Sonnia me and Maria

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Me and Samantha Sept 2007
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@ work

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Random





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