Thursday, December 15, 2005

November Seattle pics

'Cause nothin' lasts forever..Even cold November rain

I can’t remember how old I was when I stopped believing in Santa Clause or the Tooth Fairy or even the Easter bunny. I don’t really remember what caused the realization, weather it was some little brat in school or if it was finding all the toys in my dad’s closet one day that killed it for me. I ponder this while I sit in my car trying to decide how to react to what Summer had just blurted out …”Oh mom I really don’t believe in Santa Clause anymore” just like that, no big deal, all so matter of fact. My little girl does not believe in Santa Clause! I didn’t know what to say at first, I just sat there and stared at her. She might as well have said “Mom I’m not your little girl anymore, I don’t need fairytales, your bed time kisses and I don’t want to plan out where we’ll meet in our dreams ... there was a huge POP!! my bubble had burst and fianlly I answered “ You don’t? Um…. ok you don’t have to believe if you don’t want to it’s ok… and we went and had breakfast. What else could I say? I can’t force her to remain young and naïve believe me if there was a way I would have thought of it already. I follow close behind with my own shocking statement “ Spooning isn’t so bad…” I KNOW I’m just as surprised as you are. It just snuck up behind me (literally) and I’ve been hooked ever since. Somewhere between Vancouver and now I have been totally corrupted. I’m not going to go into mushy details of holding hands, public show of affection or try anything as evil as "they lived happily ever after" because I'm not there yet, but I’m happy and most important He likes me for the weird, random, wishy washy freak that I am, what more can a girl as for? When the hell did this realization take place? Standing in the mall parking lot in his arms, being stalked by one mean looking duck and its entourage, I felt the slight sting of hope and it scared the hell out of me.. Being single, angry and stand offish for so long has become my safety net. Am I even ready for this? Why is It so fucking scary for me to open up? Let myself be held, not close my eyes when he stares into them, not change the subject when he tells me how easy it would be to fall in love with me.Driving away looking back at him through my rear view mirror, I fight the urge to keep driving till I hit the Mexican border or till I can out run the hope that is sneaking in. Is it the hope that leads to broken hearts? or Could it be the hope that leads to happiness.. ughghg Who knows for sure, all I do know is that he's a damn good kisser, he’s open and honest and he gets me. He also happens to be the first one I haven’t automatically jumped into bed with (not by choice, I wanted to rip his clothes off forever ago ) and for now it’s .... just enough. SO im going to stop thinking so hard about it.. Just take it one day at a time..Stop playing out horrible outcomes in my head and just go for it.
I spent November 3-6 in Seattle with Michelle where we met Quinn and Nate... I was amazed at the way these people walk around the city IN THE RAIN with no umbrella no coat. I on the other hand forgot my jacket (no surprise) and found my self hopping from one tree to another. Frizzy hair and wet clothes became my daily uniform but even through the rain the city was beautiful. Nate and I spent Thur night at his friend Eddie’s house till we passed out.. By noon on Fri Nate and I were working on a very good buzz.. We headed over to the bus station where we picked up Michelle and headed over to Pub number 2 didn’t take her long to catch up, In fact she was feeling sooo good she decided to take my phone and call Jamie Foxx. To this day I have no idea what she said but... soon after that he returned the call.
December is finally here, and so far it’s washing away the black and blue marks November left behind. If there were a month I could totally make disappear it would have to be Nov 2005. All except for my trip to Seattle, and the call from Jamie Foxx good days were few and far between. November can totally disappear taking away with it my step moms death, my repossessed car, and so many other crapy moments I’d rather forget then write about in detail. Soon the year will be over as well and I look to it with my usual skepticism, still I hope that with this end will come a better beginning, all new stories and random moments that I can learn and blogg about.

As for the Santa Clause thing... I was getting kind of tired of Santa always getting the credit for all the cool ass toys I was buying so...this could work out perfectly for me.