Sunday, June 26, 2005

Shirly Temple all grown up

Could Shirley temples be equivalent to two beers and a shot of Whiskey? Possibly.
Shirley temples may be the hidden alcoholic beverage for kids. I’m telling you I had two Coronas (with a shot of Bacardi lemon added into each) My daughter had two Shirley temples and I would bet anyone she was drunk. She was tripping over her own feet, laughing at my jokes.. ok so I can be funny at times but come on.
The occasion? Well I'll just say we were visiting the "P" topic … Women will know what I’m talking about.
I Took Summer to see "Herby Re-loaded" and while we were at dinner I took the opportunity to bring up and talk about the P word as well as any questions she may still have about the Divorce. it’s been two maybe three years since her dad and I divorced and we still can’t get passed the why?" or the never ending heart breaking “Mom I wish you and dad would never have gotten a divorce” OUCH.
So she had her Mac and cheese and double Shirley temples. I had my Key west grouper and corona with Bacardi lemon. The conversation went from what to expect to what happened with the marriage. whew... ok Coronas and Bacardi may have been a copout but I did it. It's out there and we both survived. LOVED our dinner!

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Mr. Sand Man... Bring Me A Dream.....Make Him

It's been brought to my attention recently that I am a "pessimist" because I don't believe in love. Or better yet because I believe that love does exist , it just doesn't last. The idea is there. You see it in movies, hear it in your favorite love songs or feel the tingle right before that first real kiss. But does it last?
People "fall in love" every day. I see them drift by me on cloud 9 as if nothing else matters Living "La dolce Vita" but what are they really in love with?
The story books fable or maybe a movie hero. Or could it be what they are really “in love” with is the perfect person everyone tends to be at the very beginning of a relationship.

From the moment we are able to read or understand fables little girls are taught that love concurs all. Love will pick you up, dust you off and glide you passed evil stepmothers and backstabbing friends. Why it’s even an antidote for that pesky poisoned apple. It's no wonder that we jump in with eyes wide shut expecting fireworks with every kiss, Candle lit dinners every night, Rose petals on your bed and leg-bucking sex.

I don't consider myself a pessimist but a realist.

I've been on the other side of that passionate kiss or that first touch that makes your knees go week. I've felt the butterflies in my stomach. It's all pink and white floating hearts until that first disagreement. Or two years into it When the grass starts looking mighty nice on the other side of "Not tonight honey I've got a head ache"

So I wonder.. in knowing how the sappy love gaze from across the room may eventually turn into daggers. Even understanding six months is how long I can stand having the same person next to me. How is it that I'm in the front row crying my eyes out at every sappy Julia Roberts or Sandra Bullock Love flick. Why is it that I'm secretly still hoping for "Mr. Right"? I've gone from a Dewey eyed little girl falling in love, marrying my high school sweet heart.. believing it was all going to last, to hating the thought of ever falling in love again.

So see I'm not a pessimist. I'm just scared shit less of opening up again. Scared of actually believing that he's out there. I've come up with this dream guy that couldn’t possibly exist. He's someone who knows me, knows how to deal with me, and knows when I need to be put in my place or held tightly. Speak his mind or just listen.

Recently I've met two guys who are totally opposite each other. One is sweet and romantic and has a smile that melts away at my jilted heart. The other is hilarious, witty.. rough around the edges and doesn't need to be around me at all times. If I can combine them both then I will have my dream guy.

I think I may be ready to approach the whole happy ending theory… I’ve found the tiny spark of hope that may inevitably lead me back to a Broken Heart … whatever happens I’m ready for the ride. I’m ready to see if old broken hearts can mend and beat stronger… happier…