Monday, May 23, 2005

Blame it on The Rain......

Rainy Monday morning....My white mocha triple shot Star Bucks coffee is an impostor..I have three new grey hairs and I was turned down for the part of "Liz" in the independent film "FADED"
You know the one that I have been raving about for the past 3 weeks. The one which I was sure to get mostly because of the great compliments the director gave me. So needless to say I want to jam my head into my top desk drawer slam it shut .... repeat.
I could blame it on the fact that I went to happy hour on Friday and drank myself silly. Or the fact that after I performed my lines and improv, I was thrown a curve and asked to cold read. Might as well ask me to tap dance & play the tambourine while whistling the Canadian Anthem..
Maybe it was bad chi or my happy aura turned to muck... whatever the reason the rest of the weekend went just as bad..
Sunday I find out at 11am that Summer's Cheer leading banquet is at 12 noon not at 2pm. I raid my sister’s closet for "normal" non black clothes and try and come up with a way to get out of going, Simply because I was in no mood to deal with the ex and his entourage. I’m fully dressed looking presentable and decide 11:30am isn't too early for a drink. Hoping to re-capture my happy, I love everyone attitude (see previous blog A shift in the Mist ) I downed a tiny shot of wine and a red bull. One 15 minute drive and Frank Sinatra's "I DID IT MY WAY" ( replayed at least 3 times) later and I am sitting at a table full of 13 year old Cheer leaders looking at me like I was some sort of ancient mystery they were trying to decipher.
I think My Red Bull Wings may have been in training because I couldn't get my feet off the ground. There was no way I was going to make it through the Cheer leading banquet more than 15 minutes. Speaking of hell in walks my Ex husband and his Beige wife. I say beige because it’s a color that goes with everything, pasty, dull , annoying safe. I put on my JOKER grin walk over to them and say hi. Summer looked like an angel as usual. Everything else faded away. I talked to her for about 3 minutes, enough time to lose my place at THE GAP (my table). There I stood, in between an angel and 2 demons. What to do...where to go. … blah blah blah…. I talked to Summer a little bit longer, explained that I had to go get ready for work, hugged her and let the one good wing lopsidedly drag me out of there.
I had a quick visit with my mom and later that night tried to cure it all With "STAR WARS EPISODE III" .. A two hour and some minute dose of Ewan McGregor and Hayden Christensen and I was ready for bed.
Here I am 11:19am waiting for a coffee rush that may never come. Forced to do some actual work today because my Cyber guy is nowhere to be found...
It’s going to be a long gloomy day… I Blame it on the rain ...why not ...Millie Vanilla did
(Oh and right on cue there he is...yippee ...and so I’m off to get me some cheap cyber love .... )

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Call Backs and Cyber Sex

So.... I am proud to say that I have received a call back for "FADED" is that a good thing???
Yeah it's good..... only complaint is I now have 10 days to stress the 2nd audition. Nothing a little Cyber Sex couldn't cure ....
Speaking of Cyber Sex.... wow!!!! Can this be the best way to have sex now a day?? hmmm....debatable
I mean I sit down at any computer ... log on to my favorite sight and the rest is clicks and cam. No worries about size, relationship, spooning or the ever present disappointment. It's all words that are played out to your liking. Where ever your imagination takes you. When they say "I’m kissing you" it's the best kiss "touching your back" the best caress....why??? well because you know how you like to be kissed or caressed and this is how you Imagine you feel it.....
Exciting...shiny and new ?? YES!!!! Cyber sex will definitely make your day so much more interesting. But like all good things this, oh so special tingly sensation comes with a warning!!!!!
Cyber CRUSH!!!! eeeeeekkkkkk... possibly worse than the ordinary unplugged crush... I have recently found myself in a deep Cyber Crush...He's tall, sexy , handsome blue eyes, dark hair.. and thanks to modern technology I now know he is very well ………..
Now you add all of that to a Leo's imagination and creativity followed by a girl’s dream of finding the "perfect Man" and your cyber screwed!! My only question is do I pull the Plug??? Do I sign out forever returning to a long boring, uneventful work day? Say goodbye to fuzzy frozen cams and bad typing.
Is a Cyber romance doomed to fail? Can I deal with the fact that I’m not his only Cyber sex feen ??? all answers I hope to find. I will dedicate my time to finding out.... with that said... I'll take the red pill and remain temporarily in MY MATRIX

Sunday, May 08, 2005


I woke up this morning with all intentions of totaly skipping out on my audition for the independent film "Faded" .... the whole ride over there i kept telling myself need to be nervous ...your just gonna get there and turn right back around and go home....atleast you can say you came this far....i get out of the car...walk to security ..writing my name i say to m yself....stop freaking out your going to sit down give yourself 10 minutes here and leave,,, can say you made it this far..... director comes in ask me if im ready and i float to the audition room..... next thing i knew i was acting out heavy breathing, crying, and suicide..... im shaking hands with the director who insists i was great ...smilling and confused i walk to the car garage where i walk around aimlessly for about 7 minutes looking for my car.... ...

Trying to be happy..knowing i just gave the best audition i have in a very long time....
I met up with my sister watched her have her hair done and then went to see my dad....

Writing it down it seams as if i had a very un eventful day...boaring even....but i feel sooo content today....

The only thing missing is Summer...and i will have her back in my arms tomorrow...Icant wait...

So why am i writing ??? now that ive gotten this far i cant tell tired but i cant sleep...Vin Diesel is on tv so maybe ill sit and watch him for a bit..... head is raising...and my thoughts are on someone so far away...and i just keep asking myself ...."What are you doing M???"