Monday, April 25, 2005

A shift in the Mist

So have you had that moment....where you feel like the earth is shifting and shit is about to change in your life...My tiny hectic gray and sometimes black and blue world is shifting..im hanging on to furniture trying not to fall over ...but i can feel it.
My ducks are almost in a row..the little bastards are bumping into each other but they are getting it together and i hope soon they will be neatly lined up .... all i need now is $$$$$$ to have my own place and then i can lay naked on the floor eating Poppy cock (caramel pop corn) watching "SCRUBS" re runs...if i want too. Why you ask...
Well Saturday I was part of my first real film..true i was but a Meir receptionist with one line ..."Good Morning Dr. Brewer how are you?" but it was GREAT!!!! I was bumped up from office girl and I was so happy...The camera will actually be on me maybe for a blink of an eye moment ..but I was there and it was such a great experience....

Later That night(after my daughter's Communion) I had the balls (brought on by multiple Red Bull ...it really gives you wings) to walk into her father's house and face the pack of wolves waiting to see me cringe... I greeted everyone and was ever so nicely ushered to the "bar" (table of drinks) by the step mother..where I had my first glass of wine...... 3 glasses of wine later and i was out of control,... I was smiling , laughing, talking to everyone...I wasn't slurring or falling over but i was brave and bubbly and FABULOUS ..My ex brother in law played bartender and filled my glass whenever he saw it empty ..so 3 more glasses of wine later and i was feeling no pain.... I was complimented on how well i looked and constantly told with a hint of suspicion " You look so happy" in which i responded...Me??...oh i am very happy....Operation screw with everyones head was a success..

And now to add to the weirdness My ex boss whom I had a very heated and not very becoming argument 6 months ago (when he fired me) came by here and actually walked over to me and offered me the chance to live in his cousins Efficiency ... me living right next to the devil incarnates cousin..... he told me he hadn't forgot about me and he still cared about me and he knows i was mad at him and hopes its all in the past..I smiled and thanked him and pretty much sat at my desk with a blank empty are you fucking crazy ?? look on my face... And it is because of these 3 recent scenarios that i have to say...My world is tipping and i am bracing for the ride.....

Friday, April 15, 2005

Tick..Tick...Tick..

Empty darkness waiting just around the corner
Two contrast hands pulling one way and another
Head swiming with doubt pushing to find a way out
Exaustion takes over and I feel my SELF give in
to what lies within me
Angry, Betrayed, and Hurt I sit and wait
Slowly, Inevitably I give in to the falling sensation
Landing in a familiar trance where nothingness remains
I listen to the ticking hands of time...Each tick a thought
a worry passing by...
My eyes open...Watching for tomorrow
where today will be just another tick
of time gone by

Maritza Tacoronte